"Always Think Out Loud"
"The words inside your head, the ones you do not speak, will often lead you astray. They are like secrets - and unspoken thoughts sometimes are dark and terrible things. If you think out loud, soon these bad thoughts will rarely appear."
"You see, shameful, evil or cruel thoughts will flee from the light of day... and if you think out loud they will lose their power over you. Remember this always: They are not real, they are stray thoughts, and they often create confusion, distraction and bad decisions."
When I was nine years old, my greatest - perhaps my first teacher (besides my blessed Mother) was my Uncle, Earnest J. Nesius.
Born on a 40 acre hardscrabble farm in Indiana about thirty-five miles North of Lafayette, his Father my Grandpa John Nesius (I was his namesake) had seven children, who were raised on rich but very difficult Indiana farm land, swampy, with brush and sand dunes, thick with mosquitoes and swept by constant winds. They grew wonderful crops, on the parts of the farm they could drain well enough to avoid the inevitable heavy rains.
My Great-Grandfather slaved like an Alabama mule, and he and his three brothers each claimed a 40 acre section - contiguous land, and then as the law required, first built 12X14 rough wood shacks from timber hewn in stinking, mud filled sawpits, and began clearing the
massive, 50, 60 foot tall old-growth hardwood that covered what had been a great swamp from Indiana deep into Illinois South of Chicago.
They were 12 miles in both directions from the nearest small communities - Remington to the South, Rensellaer to the North. Rensellear was protestant, wealthy by the standards of the day.
Remington was for the outcasts of Klan-Indiana, the Catholics, the few remaining people with red Indian blood, and a few blacks who worked shoveling waste in the large, stinking slaughterhouse that still rides the rails South of town only a few blocks from the beautiful stone-and-brick Catholic church my people helped build.
Earnest Nesius was a bright, strong, tall young man - and realizing that education mattered, he worked hard, so very hard, and completed a 4-H project (similar to a modern high-school science project) on his lifelong interest, agriculture and crop husbandry.
Earnest Nesius won that contest locally, and then the State contest that followed. His reward was a
scholarship to Purdue University, in Lafayette - only 50 miles from the home place.
Uncle Ernie went on to obtain an advanced degree, and then was invited to take his PhD at the University of Iowa. By then, due to his example and efforts, four of his seven brothers and sisters had also completed college educations.
Not bad - considering Grandpa in 1934 had to slaughter his oldest cow in July, then tan the hides, and make
shoes for the kids... because you had to wear shoes to school.
This man, this leader - this Teacher, was both my Uncle, and my lifelong friend. With his every breath he spoke in kindness, in compassion, and with a broad knowledge of nature and the farms and agricultural economies he so dearly loved.
If you visit Morgantown West Virginia, you will see his name, in 20 inch-tall letters - on a large brick building at the University of West Virginia. The "Earnest J. Nesius School of Agriculture."
His awards, honors and degrees, both genuine and honorary, would fill a page.
But he always had time for a child.
I was that child that hot Summer's day in 1969, a troubled kid really, what nowadays would be labelled ADHD. I was adopted, a second adoption for my parents - and I had significant birth defects.... but you see, like her brother, my Mom was a teacher.
When I entered first grade, I was reading at the eighth grade level. Not bad for a lonely kid with braces on his legs and attention/learning disabilities.
What I loved the most, what really informed, lifted and defined my family, my entire family on both sides, was learning. We love to learn. To teach, one must first be a hungry, yearning mind - a true learner. Only those who can, indeed must learn, become great teachers.
Uncle Ernie walked down the gravel road with me alone that day, as he always seemed to find time for me. I didn't know then it was because he knew I needed extra attention - I just loved my Uncle Ernie.
In that slow, soft clear and pleasant voice, that perfect Hoosier voice, he told me then....
Always think out loud.
Uncle Ernie told me that if you think out loud, it will discipline your thoughts, fill your mind with kindness, with compassion, with good humor and the need to pause your thoughts to listen. That last part, is HARD.
I'm fifty-eight years old, and to this Day I have trouble with listening.
He then went on to tell me, "The words inside your head, the ones you do not speak, will often lead you astray. They are like secrets - and unspoken thoughts sometimes are dark and terrible things. If you think out loud, soon these bad thoughts will rarely appear."
"You see, shameful, evil or cruel thoughts will flee from the light of day... and if you think out loud they will lose their power over you. Remember this always: They are not real, they are stray thoughts, and they often create confusion, distraction and bad decisions."
I forgot this lesson for a while, as I got degrees and honors, awards and money, and steadily climbed the ladder of American "success". I climbed so fast and kept so many secrets that along the way I lost my family, I lost my reputation, I lost my way - and I damn near lost my life.
Two years of homelessness following a serious head-injury accident and an ugly, terrible Catholic divorce laid me low. In prison for stealing a bus (and keeping it), I got a letter from Uncle Ernie.
"Dear John" he wrote, "I can only assume from the address on this letter, that you have had difficulty in your life, and you have erred." (Erred is an old word, that means seriously f*cked up)
In that letter he reminded me of that long Summer afternoon, of that walk, and that perhaps it could be assumed that I forgotten that very important lesson.
Indeed, for years, perhaps for a dozen or more years, I had forgotten that.
So - I began again.
I now am writing this from the comfortable office I maintain in my Father's house - which I inherited. Ernie, indeed all the people of his generation, are now long gone. I am the old man now.
This house, this mind of mine, the use that I am to others, my abilities, my opportunities to teach and to learn, all spring from that hot Summer's day.
Think out loud. It may not make you popular, but your life will be so abundant with friendships, opportunites to learn and to teach, the chance to help others, and most importantly - a relationship with Yourself, you will never look back.
About the New Hope Project (click link)
"The words inside your head, the ones you do not speak, will often lead you astray. They are like secrets - and unspoken thoughts sometimes are dark and terrible things. If you think out loud, soon these bad thoughts will rarely appear."
"You see, shameful, evil or cruel thoughts will flee from the light of day... and if you think out loud they will lose their power over you. Remember this always: They are not real, they are stray thoughts, and they often create confusion, distraction and bad decisions."
When I was nine years old, my greatest - perhaps my first teacher (besides my blessed Mother) was my Uncle, Earnest J. Nesius.
Born on a 40 acre hardscrabble farm in Indiana about thirty-five miles North of Lafayette, his Father my Grandpa John Nesius (I was his namesake) had seven children, who were raised on rich but very difficult Indiana farm land, swampy, with brush and sand dunes, thick with mosquitoes and swept by constant winds. They grew wonderful crops, on the parts of the farm they could drain well enough to avoid the inevitable heavy rains.
My Great-Grandfather slaved like an Alabama mule, and he and his three brothers each claimed a 40 acre section - contiguous land, and then as the law required, first built 12X14 rough wood shacks from timber hewn in stinking, mud filled sawpits, and began clearing the
massive, 50, 60 foot tall old-growth hardwood that covered what had been a great swamp from Indiana deep into Illinois South of Chicago.
They were 12 miles in both directions from the nearest small communities - Remington to the South, Rensellaer to the North. Rensellear was protestant, wealthy by the standards of the day.
Remington was for the outcasts of Klan-Indiana, the Catholics, the few remaining people with red Indian blood, and a few blacks who worked shoveling waste in the large, stinking slaughterhouse that still rides the rails South of town only a few blocks from the beautiful stone-and-brick Catholic church my people helped build.
Earnest Nesius was a bright, strong, tall young man - and realizing that education mattered, he worked hard, so very hard, and completed a 4-H project (similar to a modern high-school science project) on his lifelong interest, agriculture and crop husbandry.
 |
| Faculty, Purdue School of Agriculture Economics, 1930 |
scholarship to Purdue University, in Lafayette - only 50 miles from the home place.
Uncle Ernie went on to obtain an advanced degree, and then was invited to take his PhD at the University of Iowa. By then, due to his example and efforts, four of his seven brothers and sisters had also completed college educations.
 |
| Uncle Ernie's Farm Work Coat |
shoes for the kids... because you had to wear shoes to school.
This man, this leader - this Teacher, was both my Uncle, and my lifelong friend. With his every breath he spoke in kindness, in compassion, and with a broad knowledge of nature and the farms and agricultural economies he so dearly loved.
If you visit Morgantown West Virginia, you will see his name, in 20 inch-tall letters - on a large brick building at the University of West Virginia. The "Earnest J. Nesius School of Agriculture."
His awards, honors and degrees, both genuine and honorary, would fill a page.
 |
| Uncle Ernie and Me |
I was that child that hot Summer's day in 1969, a troubled kid really, what nowadays would be labelled ADHD. I was adopted, a second adoption for my parents - and I had significant birth defects.... but you see, like her brother, my Mom was a teacher.
When I entered first grade, I was reading at the eighth grade level. Not bad for a lonely kid with braces on his legs and attention/learning disabilities.
 |
| Earnest J. Nesius, With Prominent Leaders of Morgantown |
What I loved the most, what really informed, lifted and defined my family, my entire family on both sides, was learning. We love to learn. To teach, one must first be a hungry, yearning mind - a true learner. Only those who can, indeed must learn, become great teachers.
Uncle Ernie walked down the gravel road with me alone that day, as he always seemed to find time for me. I didn't know then it was because he knew I needed extra attention - I just loved my Uncle Ernie.
In that slow, soft clear and pleasant voice, that perfect Hoosier voice, he told me then....
"John, listen to me now." "Always think out loud."
Always think out loud.
Uncle Ernie told me that if you think out loud, it will discipline your thoughts, fill your mind with kindness, with compassion, with good humor and the need to pause your thoughts to listen. That last part, is HARD.
I'm fifty-eight years old, and to this Day I have trouble with listening.
He then went on to tell me, "The words inside your head, the ones you do not speak, will often lead you astray. They are like secrets - and unspoken thoughts sometimes are dark and terrible things. If you think out loud, soon these bad thoughts will rarely appear."
"You see, shameful, evil or cruel thoughts will flee from the light of day... and if you think out loud they will lose their power over you. Remember this always: They are not real, they are stray thoughts, and they often create confusion, distraction and bad decisions."
I forgot this lesson for a while, as I got degrees and honors, awards and money, and steadily climbed the ladder of American "success". I climbed so fast and kept so many secrets that along the way I lost my family, I lost my reputation, I lost my way - and I damn near lost my life.
 |
| Pendleton Penitentiary, Indiana |
"Dear John" he wrote, "I can only assume from the address on this letter, that you have had difficulty in your life, and you have erred." (Erred is an old word, that means seriously f*cked up)
In that letter he reminded me of that long Summer afternoon, of that walk, and that perhaps it could be assumed that I forgotten that very important lesson.
"Always think out loud."
Indeed, for years, perhaps for a dozen or more years, I had forgotten that.
So - I began again.
I now am writing this from the comfortable office I maintain in my Father's house - which I inherited. Ernie, indeed all the people of his generation, are now long gone. I am the old man now.
This house, this mind of mine, the use that I am to others, my abilities, my opportunities to teach and to learn, all spring from that hot Summer's day.
Think out loud. It may not make you popular, but your life will be so abundant with friendships, opportunites to learn and to teach, the chance to help others, and most importantly - a relationship with Yourself, you will never look back.
Always Think Out Loud
About the New Hope Project (click link)
I grew up just a little north of you, in Jordan Township, a few years earlier.
ReplyDeleteI'll return with more detailed comments when I can make time.
Awesome article. Im from Crown Point indiana. Not far away. Was great to see this pop up on reddit!
ReplyDelete